Milestones

I just got done reading Melskitchecafe running updates.  She reported having a breakthrough.  And that got me to be brave enough to write some thoughts from Saturday.

I guess all good break through moments have darkness to start with.  I have been frustrated with my weight lately.  Stupidly so.  And even while I am concerned that not only have I not lost any, but gained some, I am berating myself for even caring about the numbers.  I am above worrying about numbers.  I know I am feeling strong etc.  That is what is important.

Plus I am dealing with a terrible cold/laryngitis which has caused a lot of lost sleep and anxiety from taking decongestants. 

So, not feeling so great.  Or strong.  Kind of flabby, tired, and struggling to keep up with anything.  And part of me is concerned on how on earth will I get through the Spartan when I am still not tough.

So, Saturday.

I went to Zumba with Tess.  How I miss fuze fitness and Tess and friends!  How I miss moving my body for the sheer joy of movement!  Working out at o.zone has been wonderful for me.  But I miss my buddies and joy of dancing. 

And I saw myself in the mirror. 

At my first bootcamp Tess had us introduce ourselves and say why we were there, what we hoped to accomplish.  I hate to be predictable and everyone else was saying stuff like weight, strength, blah blah blah.  So I said I wanted to rock the Spartan next year.  At that time, I would have a year to prepare for the Spartan.

My head laughed even as I talked so big.  I knew I would never do the Spartan for a thousand reasons.  But hey, dream big right?

I also didn't want to have loosing weight as a goal because I had been working out, and hard, and not lost any weight.  I needed to accept that I wouldn't be getting any smaller.

I saw myself in the mirror Saturday.  And I saw that I have gotten smaller.  I have gotten stronger.  I am going to rock the Spartan.  And it hasn't even been a year yet.  I still got a few months before the Spartan.

Dreaming big has really paid off. 

I am grateful for this journey.  For this new strength.

I don't know if I can write that emotion.